In Your Head

Every time you panic, feel afraid, become overwhelmingly sad…try this: step back, away from yourself.

I’ve been worrying a lot lately and it has been affecting all parts of my life.

The application and visa paperwork, subsequent interviews, and ultimately moving around the world is nerve-wracking. The fact that I may not get to do all this is crushing.

I’m moving out of my house to save money, so I’m donating/selling so much of my stuff and living on a friend’s couch for 1.5 months. I don’t care for stuff itself, but the illusion of security, establishment, ‘home’ is gone.

My job will definitely be over by the end of the calendar year. Teaching is the next plan, but if it doesn’t pan out…..I don’t know. I don’t have a career, I don’t know how to adult.

These are just the surface tensions I’m quickly spilling out onto my keyboard. There are so many more worries. Will I be single forever? Where should get my next haircut? I need to fix my posture. My Halloween costume may not be ready in time.

Big and small, these worries are crowding my head and kicking out useful thoughts.

What we all manage to forget in the heat of the moment is that these feelings – love, hate, fear, sadness, anxiety – are not real. (Quick note: Mental illness is very real. I’m discussing feelings, not the see-the-doctor mental state stuff.)

There is no tangible ‘hate’ for me to touch. I don’t hate anymore because the moment I stepped back from my hateful thoughts and realized I had the power to stop those feelings, they began to dissipate. It’s not worth my time, heart, or brain.

Similarly, succumbing to fear has robbed me of my power over me.

I have been letting fear run circles in my head, be an excuse to eat poorly, and distract me from my life.

The first step to real change needs to be small for it to stick. So I’m going to take one small step back. I see all my fears. They are in my head. I am in charge of what’s in my own head.

I’ve decided, right now, to step back and simply applaud myself for taking on the world. It has led to a lot or worry, but even if I fail I still lived.

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” – Winston Churchill

“You have fears? Good. That means you’ve gone out on a limb and lived your life.” -Me

Feel free to quote me. 😛

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